Okay, our secret's out. I guess we can't hide it any more.
We're here to wreck your marriages.
See? There. I said it. Lillian and I are bound and determined to destroy all the marriages of happy heterosexual people. Well, okay, I guess it's not just us, at least if I understand everything I'm reading, but hey, we're here and we're standing up.
I bet we can even take responsibility for all the marriages that ended before we got together. Um, but no, because us just being a gay couple isn't the problem, it's the fact that we got legally married. So. . .I guess we're really only responsible for all the divorces and whatnot from September of 2009 on. Perhaps all the other divorces are the faults of those who got married before us.
Okay, so then we're all responsible for all the divorces of everybody in the United States since May 17th, 2004.
Everything before that? Y'all are on your own. No idea what happened then, but it wasn't us. Sorry!
And, while I'm owning up to things, I guess it's time to point out that obviously EVERYBODY'S gay. Well duh, right?
I mean, once we're allowed to get married, once DOMA is finally repealed then everyone's going to come bursting out of the closet and marry the nearest person of the same sex that they can grab. Right? Of course right!
Have you figured out who YOUR same sex spouse is going to be?
And once DOMA's repealed and all you formerly straight folks are happily married to your same sex spouse, then the human race is doomed because no one will ever have babies again. And let's face it, we all know that the only reason all y'all soon-to-be-ex heterosexuals got married in the first place was to have babies. It's the only way it can happen! You have to be in a heterosexual marriage before pregnancy can occur. Duh! Obviously!
But we're here to end all that. In the not-too-distant future, all the women will be fixing the plumbing and the cars, and the guys will be inside redecorating. That's always been the master plan and it's almost here!
Man, there really IS a need for a sarcasm font. There just is.
If you need talking points for those who might not get it, DOMA is still being enforced. Sure Obama told the DoJ not to defend it, but that doesn't immediately repeal the law. It just means that the DoJ is going to move on to defending things that really are constitutional.
And for those folks who get their panties in a twist, saying, "But the Department of Justice HAS to defend these laws" and "Obama's overreaching his authority", then I have to ask them, why Obama does but neither of the Presidents Bush had to.
George the First had the DoJ refuse to defend, of all things, a cable issue. TV cable. And I have to think that cable laws affect a lot more of us than our getting married has. But that's just me. Maybe Lillian and me getting married is more important to you than access to local cable channels. What do I know?
And George the Lesser had his DoJ refuse to defend censoring marijuana ads. Hmm, I'm seeing a TV theme here. . . And I suspect that there are more people who have a deep, personal relationship with Mary Jane than are affected by my marriage to Lillian. Again, I could be wrong.
Well, and Bill Clinton had his DoJ refuse to defend the constitutionality of a Miranda case. In fact, there's a law that says the Attorney General has to tell Congress whenever that office declines to defend a federal statute, which makes it pretty clear that the DoJ does have the right to pick and choose what it wants to defend. As I understand it, Congress can't order the DoJ to defend something, it's more a courtesy announcement, not to be undertaken lightly, but available.
So Obama's decision to have the DoJ not defend DOMA is not something new or unreasonable. What it is, is both a nod to the inevitablity of DOMA's repeal -- and once DADT is gone, DOMA has to go because there will be too much inequity in federal benefits offered to military spouses -- and the fact that, according to sociologist Darren Sherkat of Southerin Illinois University, approval for same-sex marriage has finally reached the tipping point where more straight folks approve than disapprove.
This is very big news.
But to hear all the much-married right wing nutjobs shout about it, you'd think my getting married to Lillian was the end of the world as we know it.
Well, I feel fine.