It's no secret I'm pro-choice (and you do know that one of your choices is not to abort, but at least you HAVE the choice to make), and that I'm pretty pro-active about, well, pretty much most liberal type ways of thinking. I'm decidedly pro-woman, on lots of levels.
So I've been watching this whole abortion business with growing astonishment and amazement and more than a little trepidation and nausea. This new crop of politicians who were nominally elected to minimize government and create jobs seem to be wholeheartedly determined to take women's rights back to the Middle Ages. Or at least the 1950s. Neither one is good for womankind, I'm tellin' ya.
I mean, have you heard about the proposed legislation in Indiana? They're trying to pass a law that would require -- REQUIRE -- a doctor to read from a script that is filled with medical untruths, to tell their patients that having an abortion leads to getting breast cancer, when that has been disproved.
And a Florida representative was censured for using the word "uterus" on the House floor. So apparently it's okay to regulate what goes on in a woman's reproductive system, but it's uncool to use its name in public. Thank all the gods he didn't use the "V" word! Can you imagine the palpitations if he'd actually said "vagina"? The mind boggles.
But not long after Rep. Scott Randolph was censured, the ACLU bought a domain name -- Incorporate My Uterus (www.incorporatemyuterus.com) since that was what Randolph had said, that if a woman incorporated her uterus, the folks looking to regulate it would back right off, since they had no problems leaving corporations alone, they just wanted to mess with individuals.
So I got to thinking. Dangerous stuff, I know, but listen anyway.
You know how I wanted to form a church so I'd be tax exempt and could rake in big money with no oversight, except, well, I'm not cynical enough to do it? This is like that, but this might actually work.
I want to form a Political Action Committee, a PAC that lobbies on behalf of womens' uteruses. Uterii? Reproductive systems.
It would be international (since it has been ruled that PACs with overseas ties are more than welcome to lobby in D.C.) and it would be for women with and without reproductive systems (since I no longer have mine, but dammit, it's my PAC and I want to play!), and its purpose would be to lobby for better working conditions for the uterus.
Comprehensive medical care, truth from physicians, the right to choose when to work and when to be on vacation, these are the things that would be covered in my PAC.
And here's the cool thing. Because it would represent all uteruses/uterii, the lobbying power would be ginormous, and the financial pressure brought to bear would be unreal. I mean think about it. If every woman who currently has, or has had a uterus donated $5 to the cause, just five bucks, the total revenue would be in the billions.
I, as chairwoman, would of course require a small stipend, just a few hundred thousand dollars (plus clothing and travel allowances, since I'd have to travel all over to lobby, and I'd have to present an imposing and businesslike appearance while I did so -- no more comfy jeans and sloppy sweaters, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good, right?), and my accompanying staff would have to be paid, but hey, look, JOBS! So we're fulfilling two goals, uterine protection and job creation! Woo hoo!
Of course it would be staffed by all my good friends -- cronyism is a time-honored tradition, after all! And these are people I know and can trust! I can trust you, right?
And who could stand before the power of the Uterus? No one! We could make serious policy, and finally women would have the respect they deserve. Okay, it would be our uteruses -- seriously, is it "uteruses" or "uterii"? If I'm gonna do this, I have to at least sound like I know what I'm talking about! -- but still, the wave of estrogen that would sweep the country, hell, eventually sweep the world would be a complete game changer in politics!
Okay then, my lovely and loyal friends, whaddya think? Would it work? Would you want to be a part of it?
And what are we going to call our new PAC, now that "Incorporate My Uterus" is no longer available?